I'm wondering if you can notice the differences in the two cards pictured above? See for every birthday and Christmas my Papa sends Cece a card, and he always signed it Noni and Papa G, well this year when I opened the card it was only signed Papa G. This was the most significante impact on me since my Noni passed away. See, I wasn't very close to her, especially in her last couple of years, mainly because she always thought I was my Aunt Juju, and second because she was in Missouri in a nursing home. She only met my daughter once and it was three days before she passed away. However I'm pleased to say that the last time anyone saw my Noni smile was when she saw Cecelia. The next two days she was basically incoherant, I just hope that wasn't her only happy thought before she died.
My grandmother wasn't a very complicated women in my eyes she was just "difficult", she grew up in a difficult situation without her biological mother and fell in love with my Papa and moved on with her life. Of course I don't think my Noni was every good at moving on from anything, she probably died angry at so many people, but yet doesn't know why she was so angy with them, that was always a joke in my family, the way  my Noni could hold a grudge. Unfortunatly she has passed that ability down to me, and I have been trying to overcome it most of my life. Of course she had some good qualities, her ability to speak her mind, which in her generation was not a good thing for a women, her beauty was marveling, her stubborness some may think that this is a bad quality, I disagree, she worked hard, but I haven't ever figured out if she loved as much as she could have? When people tell stories of my Noni they really don't revolve around special moments just the ones that you were running in terror from her, I want to believe she was like this to keep her guard up, but she could have been like this just because this was the type of person she was. I don't think anyone will ever know.

These are her hands, I focused on those alot while I was in the hospice with her, I kept thinking about how much work and pain those hands have felt in her lifetime? How much pain they inflicted onto others? I don't ever remember them being gentle? But I don't remember much of when I was little, so I could be completly wrong? Funny how one little card can make you think about so much, that you always try not to think about.

After recieving this card from my Papa, I cried, only for a little bit, and I immediatly called Mr.Stanley on the phone and made him promise me that if I die before him, when he sends cards to our children and grandchildren, and hopefully great-grandchilren that he will always sign my name on the card, and that I would do the same for him. He chuckled, being the simple man that he is and simply said " I love you, if that's what you want." Later that night he asked what brought it up and I told him the story of the Chirstmas card from Papa, he didn't laugh this time, but simply gave me a hug, and promised me again that he would always sign my name, but that I would need to make a list of every special event that needed a card sent so that he could remember. This made me laugh, because my husband isn't one to remember little things like cards, but a promise is a promise!

I'm aware that this isn't the best picture and my Aunt Juju is missing, simply because she wasn't born yet, but my Noni looks pretty happy in this picture.

Anyway sorry for the very down post today, but I just had to get it out of my system.

Enjoy the great snow storm, I can't wait to take Cecelia out to play in all the great white stuff, later this week!