Being a parent is such strange territory, no matter how long you've been a parent. I'm always second guessing how we are guiding our kids.
You know maybe when your son starts to resemble Jax from SOA, it's time for him to have a haircut, every 6 months is probably not a good schedule to follow. Maybe popcorn and M&M's are not good bedtime snacks, even though they love it. Or it's probably not a good idea to let your son attack his sleeping sister, she doesn't appreciate it. I'm sure letting C sleep with her books on her face is not a good habit to let her keep. A bedtime T.V show at night is not great parenting...but they share a blanket and hold hands.
I don't now jack about parenting 90% of the time, we are all in this blind. If someone says they are an expert at parenting it takes a lot for me to not slap them in the face and laugh all at the same time.
Arlo and Cece are a handful, what 4 and 1 year olds aren't? I'm 28 and I'm sure my parents would still consider me a pain in the ass.
Especially C, she is dramatic, bossy, sensitive and at times can be ungrateful for all she has. I'm constantly tell her before school each day "be kind, be grateful." I catch myself threatening to show her what having nothing truly means.
Being 4 is hard work and we try not put a lot of pressure on her, but we do let her know what we expect from her. Being a little girl and playing with other litter girls can be tricky. Women tend to be pretty set in our ways, yes even at the age of 4. As women we all have that instinct to direct and guide and when a group of 4 year old girls are all trying to direct a way something is done, feelings are bound to get hurt. So we try to talk to Cece about compromise and how to use that with our friends. We believe having this skill in the future will always benefit her.
Cece is very competitive , she doesn't like to be last unless she decides that's where she wants to be. She wants to be the best.
In my opinion competitiveness can be a very ugly characteristic. Don't get me wrong some of my best friends are super competitive but in the right way. If you are going to be competitive use that characteristic to push yourself farther not bring others down. Cece is teetering on the edge of ugly when it comes to this trait.
Nate and I constantly tell her winning isn't the most important thing. Playing a good game, running the best you can, helping your friend, classmate or team out, THAT is what you will be remembered for, your compassion and effort to those around you.
But with every little comment,every little speech or consequence, I think "Is this right? Is this what they need from me?"
In the end we are all pretty clueless when it coms to parenting. Even with Arlo, that boy throws us off more than his sister. However, he doesn't say much yet so we will see.
But my point is, I'm constantly telling myself I AM ENOUGH. We as parent's must remember that. That my IMperfections make me unique and the best parent for MY children.
Most of the time being a mom comes naturally to me. Arlo and Cecelia were given and made specifically for me (and Nate) I'm the best for them, while I'm still on this earth.
There will be times when I will think "shit, we went wrong somewhere." But then the kids turn it around and I think "wait...wait...nope we're good" I also have to remember they're 4 and 1 they are still learning.
Nate and I are still learning, but we've got this.
Hopefully we will keep our sanity in the progress...but probably not. No matter, those kids, who are now tucked in bed, are two of our greatest accomplishments and we would put our lives down before theirs would ever be compromised. They give us purpose when we feel like we have none. Parenting, no matter how difficult it can be, fills the heart like no other type of love.
Remember that parents. Remember that none of us has a perfect idea of what we are doing. Be compassionate towards each other, we are still figuring this out.
So like I say to my kids everyday "be kind, be grateful" We are not promised tomorrow.
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