Last Friday it started snowing around 2:00pm. They let school out early and we all hunkered down in the house. Ordered pizza and watched Home Alone with the kids. It continued to snow even after we had gone to bed.
Nash woke up at 1:45am for a bottle and decided he needed some extra snuggles to get back to sleep. I wandered into what has been the nursery ever since we were expecting Cecelia. Recently, we have moved Arlo, well basically just his bed, into Cece's room so that I can start the process of making the nursery into a room for our girl. However, there is still one of my favorite chairs in that room. So Nash and I went in there to sit for bit.
While I was sitting in there watching it snow with Nash snuggled up against my chest, I remembered sitting in here 9 years ago having a much different experience.
It was late winter, our first year of marriage. There was a small twin bed with the ugliest brown bedspread covering it. There was no other furniture except that bed. I didn't want to do anything to the room becuase I just knew we would be soon making it into a nursery. However, months had been going by with no baby. We were newlyweds, 21 years old and all in with having a baby and we wanted lots of them. When I read that back I see how completely stupid that situation screams to most people but we wanted kids and we wanted them young.
I was getting frustrated and discouraged while Nate stayed positive. Ying and Yang the two of us. After the 7th month with nothing, I had wandered into the very same room, I was now rocking my 3rd baby, and started crying, while laying on that ugly bedspread. I remember praying to God to just give us one baby. We would be ilated to just have one if that's all he decided to give us. We would love it so much, couldn't He see that? Wasn't He suppose to know us? Let's just say I'm not the greatest at talking to God because I'm pretty sure I was doing an ugly cry and yelling. I then told God I have a bit of temper but I would be an excellent Mom.
Geez, he must have been laughing his ass off, knowing what was to come within the next 9 years.
So on that very early Saturday morning, I smiled while kissing the top of my 3rd baby, 2nd son's head. He was probably thinking "woman calm yourself". It took almost 8 more months before we found out about Cecelia. God must have thought I needed to work on my patience because we went through the same thing with Arlo and after him we gave up on the whole "trying" and just decided after we turned 30 however many kids we had was what we would have. So after 3 years and no baby, we had started to view ourselves as a family of 4. We had almost grown to accept it, telling people how crazy life was with just C and Arlo so we couldn't possibly imagine a life with another Stanley kid running around. One week before Nate's 30th birthday God threw us a wild card, Henry Nash was going to join us.
That night crying alone in that empty room with that ugly bedspread I couldn't imagine a better life. Oh how little did I know then. Now I was sitting in that very room, with snow falling and all the people who make my life so rich with love all sleeping soundly around me. In the walls of that room, I have read babies to sleep, watched them roll over and learn to crawl. I have also put them in time out and soothed their cries. I have changed a million dirty diapers and wrapped them in warm jammies. This room has become my favorite in our home. I whispered to Nash that I was sorry he wouldn't experience the joy of the "nursery" but the adventures and memories he and Arlo will make in their room would surerly make up for it. He didn't respond because he was softly snoring and it was time for me to wander back through our little home and put him to bed. I lingered a bit more and then decided it was time for me to crawl back into my bed too, my oldest boy was waiting.
This Thanksgiving, like everything Thanksgiving, and everyday there is a lot to be thankful for. However, I'm probably the only one thankful for a tiny little room in a tiny little house. I know in the coming years, as Cece grows, the walls will change, the clothing will become bigger and probably cover less. I guarantee the desk will always be a chaotic mess and the book selection will become more adult. When I wander in there in the coming years, I will have more grey hairs and more wrinkles but the first thing I will try to remember is seeing myself as a young 21 year old newlywed, begging God for just one baby. I know a smile will creep up on my face and then I will turn to my daughter and start yelling at her for how crazy her room looks and as I walk away, with her for sure rolling eyes at my back it will be hard not to control my laughter. I know I wont even step a foot in the boy's room, God only knows what bomb will have exploded in there.
It's a good life.
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