Arloboy: 5

{One Day Old}

{One Years Old}

{Two Years Old}

{Three Years Old}

{Four Years Old}

{FIVE}

I've been in total denial about this boy turning five today. In fact if he stayed 4 for the rest of his life I would be totally okay with that as well. 

I'm currently listening to an assortment of Mumford and Sons, Vance Joy, James Bay and others. This music always reminds me of my boy. It was their songs that we swayed to for hours on end in our family room while he worked his discomfort out during his colicky stage. I would keep him pressed close to my chest, swaddled, face snuggled up to me, with the music playing around us. 

These were the songs that I played next to his bedside while he was hooked up to wires, tubes and monitors. Where he laid motionless, except for the ragged intake of breath for days, while he fought to show everyone just how strong he was. 

These songs remind me of him and it will always take me back to those early days and months of this boys life. I can smell his fuzzy blonde head, feel his soft chubby cheeks and still taste his tears that I kissed away while they tried desperately to find a place to put his iv. I can see those big golden eyes staring back at me until they no longer could fight sleep and closed, with those big black lashes as a blanket. 

If there was a major turning point for Arlo in his short 5 years, it would have been this past year. I'm not sure if 4 was his magical number or if it was preschool or the bond he formed with Nash from the minute he set eyes on his little brother. Whatever it was it has transformed him from an angry, unsocial, resilient little boy to someone who loves everyone, a boy who just this morning kept telling Cece and I "Thanks for my birthday breakfast, thanks for saying happy birthday to me!" Just those simple things had pleased him so much. The fact that he acknowledged our small part in his early birthday celebration made me extremely happy. 

I have missed his sleepy face throughout the day. I know he is really enjoying school and that is where he needs to be but as his Mama, the one person who has always been right by his side, it's been an adjustment. I told him the other day he wasn't allowed to turn five, because then he would be to old to cuddle with me. He laughed and replied that he would always still cuddle with me. I know that he means well, but I also know that there will be a day when it will stop. The little hand finding mine while we are sitting on the couch. His little squeal and pounding of his feet running towards me for protection when his Dad is trying to get him. His golden head driving into my stomach so I can rub his head to forgive him.  I know to soon it will slowly start to stop. I also know I will not push for it to continue because as a Mother my goal is to raise children to be independent and as he starts to push those boundaries I will need to slowly loosen those reins. 

When I get to sad thinking about how in the past 5 years he has really changed and grown, I remind myself that I'm so unbelievably lucky to have gotten the pleasure to witness it at all. That my son, who fought to be here, is living a full life without limitations. So instead of being sad, I try to be grateful and let all that golden light that Arlo so brilliantly shines warm my Mama soul. 

Happy Birthday Arloboy. 

Oh how you are loved.