Taking the Time to be Here!

I'm not sure if I mention this enough on here, but I'm busy!

I might not mention this on here but it kills me to be busy!

I hate saying it to friends and family when they want to be apart of our lives and are genuinely sad when they don't get enough time with my sweet family.

Trust me it bothers me.

We have an insane schedule in our family.

Nathan is gone 90% of the week and I'm in school 3 days and working afterwards and on my days off. Our children are cared for most of the time in the evening by their grandparents (who do a fantastic job). But as a mother and a wife there is only so much reasoning I can do with myself to justify my absence in their evening routine.

I pray that each day will go by faster than the last so that May 2013 will arrive sooner and we will hopefully return to a some what "normal" family life.

I know what Nate and I are doing as parents is to better the future for our children and ourselves, but by Thursday I'm sure most people I'm around would rather stay out of my way.

I enjoy the company of my friends and hearing all about their days and what their kids are up to, they are like my family. But lately I have only been seeing them a few times a month and that BOTHERS me!

When our families call up to ask to go to lunch or want to play with our children and all Nate and I have the energy for is to say "We would rather keep them to ourselves today" that hits pretty deep.

But we know we NEED that time with them and with each other to keep our family unit strong through the next year. So that our children never feel the absence of us in their daily routine. I know we are not 100% successful but we are sure trying.

Everyone we speak with always tells us "They wont even remember this crazy time" I'm well aware of my children's memory capabilities but I know what we are doing and that we are not around and that is just unacceptable to me.

Today I was reading a favorite blog of mine here.

She was discussing the whole article of Don't Carpe Diem that has been floating around the Internet this past week. I absolutely love her take on being in the moment with her children both during the good and the bad.

Some of you may know that Arlo has not been the easiest baby. We sometimes call him Angry Arlo, there is a reason.

The first few months nothing would sooth him besides, me, swaddling and sleep. Thankfully he has grown out of that and is now a very cheerful smiley boy. Does he still have his moments? YES! But like Melissa had mentioned in her post I just had to keep telling myself he will soon be a rambunctious toddler who will grow up to be an ornery schoolager who will then turn into a TEENAGER! Please God give me the strength to always be grateful for the time my boy NEEDS me. For there will be a time when he will not come to me for help or comforting, and that will hurt worse then the sleepless nights and constant shushing. 

For those of you who have a 3 year old it can be exhausting, for those of you who have a 3 year old daughter it can be a test of how much hair you can keep on your head through the next year. I love my daughter with every fiber of my being but the girl has the ability to make me rethink my ability as a mother as well as a human being.

She is every ounce her father from her looks to her go-go-go personality and I love it. But in the past week she has cut her hair at school, threw a temper tantrum in the middle of our backyard in protest of me taking away a glove, yes folks a glove, and managed to out smart her teachers by completely covering her self in mud from head to toe but successfully kept her boots clean?

Sometimes the best part of the day between C and I is night time. I always make sure that Arlo does not need anything during Cece's bedtime routine. I try to give my whole attention to her, she needs it and I need it. She after all, gave us the gift of parenthood and I will NEVER forget that.

She snuggles in and begs for me to read her a book and reading is one of the things that calms us both down.

So depending on how good or bad of a day we have had we will go through one story or four.

But after I leave and hear her for a few minutes reading to herself and then I finally hear the silence that she has finally fallen asleep I peek in to see her sweet face laying on her pillow, with her arms tucked up underneath her softly snoring and I smile and my heart swells and I remember to make a mental image of her and how much I love her no matter how naughty or well behaved she is, she is my daughter and I will always remember my prayers for her to enter our lives and how desperately we wanted her.(Yes, Dad I'm well aware of how badly that last sentence is put together)

I know there is nothing that I can do to give them my entire attention all the time and that Nate is doing what he has to do for our family. But I have to accept that there will be days that I will shut down and just go through the motions, it is after all a defense mechanism for survival.

But everyday I will try to be present and be here in my life and remember to live it no matter how crazy our lives get. This life after all is only temporary.