It was in junior high that I had a true group of friends that I called upon when I needed additional help. This was far and few between but that didn't mean that I didn't need to be there for their own trials. Who would think that between the ages of 12 and 14 I would go through so much with some really great girls. Till this day they are still people I would consider my close friends.
When we got to high school we kept our basic group in tact and we picked up a few straglers along the way. It's true what they say about high school, you are required to do a lot of growing up in just 4 short years. I do wish I would have enjoyed it more and not taken some things so seriously. Eventually, we all went off to college or jobs or relationships or all 3. It's been 13 years since we graduated and a lot has changed in those years. Most of us have families, husbands and careers, you know all the adult stuff.
Of course, then there is the group of girls that I have made my friends along the way, after high school. I've particpated and attended their weddings. I've shared in their joys when they made babies and comforted them when they went through heartache. But I've always kept my problems, my issues at bay. This was just because I handle it on my own. Who else knows how to take care of my problems better than me? Why burden them? What's the point? I'm better at being there for them, right?
In the past couple months those questions have been answered. When you throw major attitude towards a friend because telling someone you are hurting is to difficult for you, they ignore your sass and continue walking next to you. When they turn your avoidance tactics into a game of who can annoy me the most before I break and with that break comes a smile. When you finally decide to ask for prayers and the comfort you feel when you know they are talking to God on your behalf is resonating.
When you finally look up to meet their eyes, knowing that what they are going to see in your eyes is pain and devestation and you realize that their eyes are holding your gaze with equal pain and devestation. That the tears you see streaming down their face match yours, is because someone they love, that someone being you, is in pain and that hurts them. You realize how silly and possibly hurtful it is to hold people at arms length. Especially, those people who want nothing from your friendship except to be there for you. That if you call they are going to simply pick up the phone. That your angry text messages will be responded with funny emojis because "Calm down Tory." wouldn't have the same effect. That requests for late night visits aren't met with "Tomorrow might work better." but with "Come over!"
They know that passing the liquor my way wont fix the problems but they are there to take those drinks with you. That closing your eyes and calming your breathing before continuing on is always met with patience and grace on their part. When they don't judge your need to be strong but say the words "You don't need to be" can give you the opportunity to contemplate that concept, no matter how foreign it may be. That a couple of hours watching a movie in a crowded theater, is one of my major stress relievers.
That when I'm able to give them good news, their reactions were as emotional and excited as mine was. What was the most shocking was hearing their relief for me in their voices. I always felt bad for burdening them with any bad news and them worring about me was a major factor in my stubborness to keep that out of their lives. Even though I felt terrible about adding to their own everyday stresses, I'm okay because I know they were and continue to be there for me.
Looking back, I may have considered myself a loner but I always had a small army at my back. I picked those who I keep close specifically, because I thought I was a good fit for them, but in all reality they were a perfect fit for me. And honestly, I had little to do with picking them. They have filtered into my life not by chance but purposfully, because one day I was going to need every single one of them, for different reasons. I wish the reasons didn't exist but I'm sure glad my people do.
No comments:
Post a Comment