Soft

       

 For the past, almost 2 years, I have referred to Arlo affectionately as an asshole. The ages of 3 and 4 are rough ones to wade through, at least with our children. Cecelia at these ages was much the same, but her issues were different than Arlo's. 

 Arlo didn't actually speak, at least more than a few words, until he was a little over 3. Now he has a very high vocabulary but when he is overly tired or angry he refuses to use words. When he is tired he points and mimes until we figure out what he is wanting or "saying." About 4 months ago I stopped guessing at what he was wanting, mainly because I know him well enough to know what he was wanting, and ignored him until he decided to talk. 

 When he gets angry, which usually comes from frustration, he turns to the nearest hard surface and punches it. He came home from school the other day with a cut on his finger. I asked where he got that from and his simple and calm answer was " I punched the wall at school." 

 For the longest time when you would tell Arlo to do something or ask him questions, his go to responses were usually smart ass comments or no. 

 I thought for sure once Nash was born these tendencies were going to escalate. On the contrary he has come so far in the past 4 months, that I rarely call him an asshole. Not to say he doesn't still do stuff that make me whisper it under my breath. When I ask him to do things or ask him questions about his day, I'm given responses or a sweet "Okay Mommy."

 Even his ability to be affectionate has increased since Nash's arrival. Now after nap, he will come and sit on my lap, instead of at the other end of the couch. I even got an unprovoked kiss from him too. 

 I'm not sure if it's the arrival of Nash or if it's just that we are starting to hit the turn in the road in his age when you can see him thinking before doing. Or maybe it's a little bit of both.

 I'm certain his ability to be more affectionate and gentler has to do with Nash. Honestly, we didn't even have to explain how he needed to be around Nash he just knew that he has to be, in his words, "soft" with his baby brother. It seems that; that softness has leaked out into his other relationships. 

 You read all the time that it can take just one person to make a difference. That meeting that one individual can turn your life and your way of thinking around. I think Arlo's person was Nash. Becoming a big brother to such a tiny and defenseless person, showed Arlo a different perspective. 

 Arlo's anger is still there, it's like a volcano. You know it's there and you live your lives knowing at any moment it can irrupt. Your safe as long as you know when and how to move away from the lava. 

 Just the the other day, I remember asking Arlo to pick up his room. I was waiting for the smart ass comment to come out of his mouth but instead I heard "Sure Mom!" Granted, the room wasn't spotless but he had picked it up. There will be days when that fire he has, just under the surface, will make it's way out and those around him will feel that burn but if you give him the ability to cool down before discussing it, he gets it under control so much quicker. 

 I'm so proud of who he is growing up to be and at only age 4, I can't image how much better it's going to get from here.