(I love this outtake from 4th of July)
Where do you do your best thinking? Is it in the shower? How about when you have laid down for the night? When your working out?
I had a pretty good thinking session on my way home last night. It was 9:30pm, the interstate was pretty empty and I had my favorite Pandora station playing on a ridiculous level. There was no kids to keep peeking into the backseat to check on. No babies that needed to be fed. Just me and the music and the road. It's where I have always done my best thinking. It might be all those trips home from college or the fact that my high school was almost a half an hour away with traffic. Or because we live in a small town that requires us to drive longer than 20 minutes to get to the grocery store.
I had just left a very empty Hy-Vee after seeing a movie with a friend. It was so quiet in there and I was able to properly think about everything that I would need for the rest of the week. I found myself being so quiet.
On my way home I was in a good argument with my husband. Of course he wasn't in the car but I was having a discussion with him anyway, or at least preparing for a discussion I wanted to have with him. I was making bullet points in my head for an upcoming meeting. I was thinking about how we all struggle but the world rarely knows your struggles.
I then looked down and realized that I was speeding and then my mind realized that I wanted to get home. I guess my body just knew before my mind did. I pulled off our exit and drove into our community that I love. I drove pass darken houses, tucked in for the night. Pass my kid's school. I took a left onto 4th St, which always takes me home. I pulled into our gravel ally and I could feel my body relax with the sound of the gravel crunching under my tires. I pulled in next to my grandfather's old truck, that Nathan likes to pull out during nice weather. I grabbed my groceries and walked up to our backdoor. I was greeted with the warmth of the back light my husband left on for me.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. It almost felt like when I rolled into my husband's heat from sleeping, I could finally take a deep breath. I layed in that warm bed in our small house and I could hear my baby snoring softly next to us. I could hear the hums of my Boy as slept crept over him. I saw the faint glow of our Girl's closet light, because she tries to read after lights out.
I took it all in and realized all my thinking didn't mean a whole lot if I didn't get to come home to this. Home, it's not just a place for me, it's a feeling. I know I wouldn't feel it either, if I didn't have the people I do to share it with. So I forgot about the dicussion I was having with my husband, in my head of course, and I decided that whatever happened with the meeting happened. I know I can't take people's struggles away but I can hope for the best outcome on their behalf.
As for me and my struggles, I have home, so I'll be okay.
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